


Shiny, Happy People (singing sweetly)

by stormpilot-jpeg (lonelybladeiv)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Unrequited Love maybe?, love-triangle-thing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-06 04:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13403235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelybladeiv/pseuds/stormpilot-jpeg
Summary: "And they screamThe worst things in life come free to usCause we're just under the upper handIt's too cold outsideFor angels to fly"





	1. too cold for angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And they scream  
> The worst things in life come free to us  
> Cause we're just under the upper hand  
> It's too cold outside  
> For angels to fly"

“Finn.”

Finn turned around to look at Rose, who was sitting on the floor. He raised an eyebrow at her, then turned to look at DJ, who was fiddling with Rose’s medallion. It was as if his brain short-circuited, and completely forgetting that Rose had called him, he started towards DJ, who didn’t bother to look up.

Noticing his momentary short-circuit, Rose stood and grabbed Finn’s arm, maneuvering him over to a chair and helping him sit. “ _Rude,”_ she teased.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Ever since I woke up the other day, my mind's kind of been everywhere.”

“It’s okay, I just don’t want you to get yourself into any trouble,” said Rose, and Finn smiled up at her.

They sat there in silence with the exception of “DJ’s” tinkering as they watched the galaxy whirr by through the viewports. They were headed back to the Resistance, if only for a moment, to notify Poe of the status of their mission. Finn and Rose both feared they wouldn’t have enough time with the extra stop- they seemed to agree on _everything,_ really- but DJ insisted he be paid upfront, so they went.

“Finn,” Rose tried again, and he looked up at her as she moved to stand in front of him. He smiled, and she could tell it wasn’t a pity smile, or a rebellious smile, or a trying-to-charm-you-out-of-my-way smile. It was a genuine smile, one of the first he'd given her, and it made what she was about to say come out a lot easier.

“Remember when we first met?”

Finn snorted. “Yeah, I mean, like it was yesterday, I guess.”

Rose had to hold back a laugh herself. “Okay, yeah, right, but remember how I was crying?”

Finn sobered up quickly. “Yeah. I do. Is… everything okay?”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine,” she said, placing her hands on her shoulders to steady him as she noticed to increasing uneasiness in his eyes. “I just… was in a really bad place.”

“You missed your sister?”

“Yeah. That. And I…. I was going to kill myself.”

It was silent. Even their passenger cast a curious glance over at them, but he didn’t bother to speak. Rose thought maybe he wouldn’t even speak if both she and Finn simultaneously started to spontaneously bleed to death. She turned away from DJ, though, and looked at Finn, who was staring at the ground, his breathing heavy.

He didn’t look up when she squeezed his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “Why?”

“I just felt powerless,” she said, kneeling so she was in his line of vision, “and like there was nothing in the galaxy for me.”

“I know the feeling.”

“You do?’

“Yeah,” Finn said, his voice quiet, tense, “Back when I was a stormtrooper. It made me sick, killing for them. If I hadn’t gotten out of there when I did, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to take it.”

Rose nodded in solidarity. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by DJ.

“It ap-p-pears we are approaching our destination, people,” he called out, and Finn stood and practically dashed over to him, almost as if he’d been uncomfortable with the conversation and waiting for a chance to escape. Rose sighed and followed him, the familiar ache in her chest returning.

 

……………

_She felt as if she hadn’t a wisp of control in the whole galaxy, especially not over her own life. The mechanic had sat there, hunched over, clutching her sister’s medallion and sobbing so hard she could taste her heartbeat. There was no point in being there anymore. She was all alone, and she had nothing, not even the rebellion. The First Order was closing in, and the Rebel Alliance was running on empty in the hope department._

_Rose didn’t know how long she’d been sitting. She’d been working on a faulty blaster that someone gave her to fix, and sat down just for a minute, before that dark sadness came creeping over her again and she couldn’t move. Since then she’d caught several cowards who tried to deploy the escape pods, flee and leaving the rest of the rebels to die. She’d hated having to use the stunner, but not as much as she hated those thoughts running through her head._

_It would be easy, she’d thought, just to climb into one and get away. Leave it all behind, the war, the rebellion. Life. In the cold tears on her face she could feel the cold blackness of space, and then… the end. It was so close she could basically feel it. Resting her head on her knees, she shivered, letting the cold engulf her_.

_It was quiet except for the hum of the cruiser, and then she heard them, footsteps. He arrived, blew onto her radar with sputtered nonsense about saving his friend. The loyalty in his words struck her, made her heart pound, made the cold subside a bit._

_There was hope, they realized, there was a way out of this. She mentally smacked herself for nearly giving up. Wasn’t that what the rebellion was built on, survived on, and from what she saw, it never truly ran out._

_Hope._

_When they’d approached Captain Dameron with their plan, he’d smiled that same rebellious smile that she and Finn had shared when her heart had fluttered the way she knew it wasn’t supposed to, because this wasn’t a game. This was war. It was life and death, and she didn’t have time for schoolgirl crushes on the man who saved her life._

Finn said he wasn’t a hero _, she’d thought as they hurtled away towards Canto Bight, and she saw the light in his eyes._ It doesn’t matter what happened in the past, because you saved me. You’re my hero.

……………

 

Her eyes snapped open when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and it was him, just the person she wanted to see. She shivered, and he raised an eyebrow at her in concern.

"Finn."

"Hey, I-"

Before he could finish his sentence, she leaned up and kissed him, closing her eyes and feeling the warmth return.

He pulled back gently, and she held back a whimper. It felt so nice, being with him, feeling his warmth in the depths of her soul. She grinned at him, and the smile he gave back was tender, fragile almost.

She watched as he turned away, doing something on a datapad that she hadn't realized he was holding, and cleared his throat. "We, um, we're about to leave."

Rose stood, and there was Captain Dameron, his arms crossed, his eyes clouded with anger. She'd had very few interactions with him before, but she didn't need to know him to know that he was angry with her for falling asleep. She wanted to defend herself. "It's hard,"  she wanted to tell him, "We've been working so hard."

But she knew Captain Dameron was the hardest worker of them all, that he’d sacrifice himself for a second for the rebellion. That he had a ruthless passion for justice, and that he had just returned from a dangerous mission that, though successful, provoked General Organa to demote him from _Commander Dameron_ to _Captain,_ and she knew he wasn’t happy about it.

So instead, she mumbled an apology and moved to prepare herself for the mission.

As she was leaving, she heard Captain Dameron tell Finn that they needed to hurry, and he responded with a muttered apology and something else she couldn't make out. She couldn't fathom what he would be apologizing for, but she didn't bring it up when Finn jogged up next to her, his hands behind his back, his head down.

 


	2. the lament of a lovesick fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe's lovesickness leads him to risk his life for closure.
> 
> "What's wrong with Captain Dameron?"
> 
> "He's just being a lovesick fool."

It was dark in the chamber, and silent besides the sound of labored breathing. Poe followed it through the thick darkness to the bed where a long figure lay facing the wall. Straining to see, Poe was somehow still afraid he had the wrong chambers, and he’d be found out and executed on sight.

But how could he get this wrong when way before he’d joined the Resistance, the newly minted Kylo Ren had lured him here and seduced him. Poe had been infatuated with just how much _power_ his boyfriend suddenly had, and he came so close to giving everything up for him _,_ his first love. The one who’d pretty much always been there.

But as he squinted through the darkness at the helmet that sat on a bed of ashes, waiting to hide Ben’s vulnerabilities day after day, Poe remembered that this wasn’t Han and Leia’s son anymore. He may have been the General’s flesh and blood, but he’d betrayed her in the worst way possible, and with that thought Poe didn’t feel so bad about using Ben the way he intended to do.

Even without, as time passed Poe was learning more and more that his biggest mistake was loving so hard, dedicating everything to someone else until there was no more _Poe_ left in him. So tonight, he was not here to love. He was here to take exactly what he wanted- no, _needed,_ and nothing else. Finally, after always feeling weak, enslaved  by his own heart, _finally,_ it was his turn to be someone else’s weakness.

He didn’t have to shake Ben to wake him; in fact, he didn’t even lift a finger. Ben slowly rolled, mattress creaking, to face Poe, who couldn't make out his expression in the dark. Ben must’ve sensed him somehow- apparently force users were good at that.

“It’s you.” Ben spoke first. His voice was even, revealing no emotion, and Poe wished he could see him, because then he’d know how much convincing this was actually going to take. The task wasn’t daunting to him, however; he’d already wormed his way onto a _First Order ship_ undetected, he was practically walking on air at this point.

“I won’t even ask how you got in here.” Ben's speech was slow and slurred, presumably from sleep. Or maybe this was just how _Ren_ spoke now. It had been so long since Poe had looked him in the eyes, but that deep, syrupy voice was the same, and Poe had to admit it made his heart stutter a bit.

“I’ll just skip right to the ‘ _what do you want,’_ ” Kylo continued, “This ought to be good.”

Poe gave the taller man a sultry smile, before realizing that Ben probably couldn’t even see him. Instead, he leaned in and wound his arms around the new Supreme Leader’s neck as he tried to work out in his head how to approach this.

“Oh, Ben, it’s been so long, and all you have to say to me is ‘what do you want?’”

“Kylo,” the other corrected, his tone surprisingly even with absolutely no edge to it. Internally, Poe scoffed at the ridiculous moniker, but he knew if he wanted to move this along, he’d have to concur.

“Kylo,” Poe repeated, trying not to cringe as it came out of his mouth. He leaned in close, to where he knew Kylo could feel his breath, and whispered, “Turn on the light, Kylo.”

Ben gave him a blank stare, and cleared his throat, which made Poe want to grab and kiss him that very minute. “Poe,” he said, in a tone that made Poe fear that he would call for some security and have him thrown out. He hoisted himself up onto the bed, rested his head on his old lover’s shoulder.

“ _Kylo,_ I came here because I want you.” The words were bitter coming out of his mouth, but he figured the more he repeated them, the less it would hurt. “I’ve missed you.” The Captain emphasized his point his point by pulling down the blanket and stroking up and down Kylo’s bare chest. “Missed _us.”_

The lights came on. Poe turned to look at Kylo and he had the strangest, most unreadable expression on his face as he stared at Poe. “Did you say you miss me?”

Poe nodded.

It took Kylo a moment to speak after that, and Poe didn’t need the Force to basically be able to hear the gears turning in his mind. He leaned down again, whispering, “You need this just as much as I do, don’t you?”

Kylo finally nodded, barely perceptible, sitting up and shoving Poe down on the bed, rough and dominant the way Poe remembered. It wasn’t as good as when Finn did it, but he forced those thoughts out of his mind. He was here to forget, to let go of the past.

So he closed his eyes and let Ben fuck away his pain.


End file.
